| September 2001 Title: Who You Want Me to Be: Tom's Masks Authors: Leone and Chuckles Rating: R Codes: C/P Archive: Cha_Club, TPD, Paris Nights, CPSG, cp_eternal. Anywhere else, ask Feedback: <tarrashenna@yahoo.com> and <chuckles_cpfic@hotmail.com> Disclaimer: The author owns nothing here except the ideas behind the story. Chakotay and Tom would be happier people if she *did* own them, but that's a story for another time... Summary: This is the sequel to The Faces of Chakotay *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* When the alarm awakens me, I'm startled to feel myself spooned up behind a slender and obviously male form. The surprise only lasts for a moment, then I remember. I couldn't sleep last night, so I went to the holodeck. I discovered that Sandrine's was running, and suspected that Tom Paris was also suffering from a bout of insomnia. I was right. Not only couldn't he sleep either, but judging from his conversation with Sandrine, I was the cause. At first he didn't notice me, so I eavesdropped. I know that I shouldn't have, but as I entered, I heard him mentioning my name and I was curious. He was wondering about my recent behavior toward him. When he told Sandrine that he didn't know what it meant, I couldn't help it. I had to tell him. The sound of my voice made him stiffen for a moment. Then he turned around to look at me, his face a mask of polite interest. He pretended that he hadn't heard my words, or maybe he just thought he heard wrong. In any case, he asked me to repeat what I'd said, which I did. Despite the expressionless mask he wore when I revealed that I was aware of his feelings for me, I knew that he was panicking. However, that only lasted for a moment, then my words sank in. I could tell the instant he realized that I returned his feelings. That was when all masks dropped to show uncertainty and an amazing vulnerability. A slight movement from Tom interrupts my recollection and I glance down at him. He's still sleeping, and his face seems younger in repose. I sigh softly and bend down to brush a kiss across his forehead. Then I gently disengage from his embrace, slide out of bed and walk into the bathroom. I turn on the shower and step into the stall. I stand under the spray of water for a moment, then move back, pick up the shampoo and wash my hair. After I've let the water rinse the shampoo out, I step back again and pick up the soap. Working up a lather, I wash quickly, then move under the spray of water one last time to rinse the soap away. While I towel off my hair, I consider whether or not to get dressed. Looking at my still-sleeping lover, I decide not to. I throw the towel into the refresher, pick up my robe and slide it on, then walk into the living room. "Computer, what time is it?" I call as I move across the room to the replicator. "The time is 0700 hours," the computer informs me. My eyebrow rise at this. I spent longer in the shower than I thought. It's time to wake Tom. I sigh softly and order a cup of my morning tea and a cup of coffee for Tom. When the beverages materialize a moment later, I pick up the cups and carry them into the bedroom where I put them on the nightstand. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I reach out a hand and stroke Tom's soft hair, trying to awaken him. He sighs gently and rolls to his side, facing me. I feel a smile tugging at my lips. He's a sound sleeper. Moving my hand down to lie against his cheek, I call his name, hoping this will wake him. "Tom." It doesn't work. He just sighs again and nuzzles my hand. My smile widens and I try again. "Tom. Wake up. Your coffee's getting cold." He murmurs something too low for me to hear, then his eyes flutter a few times before they open. He blinks a couple of times, then focus. Something like relief crosses his face when he sees me. "Chakotay," he breathes and smiles. "I thought last night was another dream." "It wasn't," I assure him gently. I don't comment on the 'another dream' remark. Not because I'm not curious, but because we don't have time for that conversation. "I'm glad," he says and sits up. "Did you say something about coffee?" I grin at him, then reach over and pick up his cup, handing it to him. "Yes. I said that it's getting cold," I tell him, then take a sip my tea. "Thanks for waking me, then," he says. "I *hate* cold coffee." "I think most people do," I comment, then watch in silence as he quickly drains his cup and put it on the nightstand. I take another sip of my tea before placing my cup beside his. Then I lean forward and capture his lips in a gentle kiss, which he promptly returns. The taste of my lover makes me forget everything, and only the need for air breaks us apart. Breathing heavily, we just sit, gazing at each other for awhile. Then Tom sighs and asks, "What time is it?" "The time is 0715 hours," the computer answers blandly. Tom curses and moves to get out of bed. "Do you mind if I borrow your shower?" he asks. "I promised to meet Harry for breakfast in fifteen minutes." "Go ahead," I tell him. "I'll just finish my tea and get dressed while you shower." "Thanks, Chakotay." Tom flashes me a quick smile as he heads for the bathroom. "You're welcome, Tom," I say and watch his lovely ass until the bathroom door closes behind it. Then I finish my tea before picking up Tom's empty cup and carry both to the recycler. As soon as I've gotten rid of the cups, I walk over to the replicator and order a fresh uniform for Tom. When it materializes, I pick it up and return to the bedroom. I put it on the bed, then get one of my own. I'm almost finished getting dressed when Tom comes out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. He stops and watches me for a moment, then glances at the bed and notices the uniform. "Thanks, Chakotay," he says with a soft smile, "But you didn't have to use your rations to replicate me a fresh uniform." "Well, if you're meeting Harry for breakfast at 0730, you don't have time to go to your quarters to get one," I point out. "I know, but I meant that I could've used my own rations." I shrug. "I know, but I wanted to," I tell him softly. He smiles at me, then removes the towel and gets dressed. When he's done, we move into the living area of my quarters. Walking to the door, we stop just before triggering the sensors that opens it. Tom leans in and kisses me gently, but with great passion. When we break apart, he gives me another smile, before stepping closer to the door, opening it. In the doorway, he turns to look at me and says, "See you on the bridge." He waits until I've nodded my agreement, then leaves for the mess hall. *~*~*~*~* The doors slide closed behind Tom, and suddenly my cabin seems very empty. It's too quiet without him. After spending just one night together, I already miss him. Now that he's left, my assurance to him that last night was real and not a dream seems less convincing. I look around my quiet living area and it's as though he has never been here. There doesn't seem to be a trace of my beautiful lover. Except… What's that down by the couch? I walk over to look, bending down to pick up the tiny object. It's a button. One of those that went flying when Tom became impatient and ripped open his shirt. I smile brightly. Last night was real, after all. I wander into the bedroom to look for my shoes, and my smile widens further at the scene that greets me. Any remaining doubts about the previous evening's reality are dispelled immediately. The bed is a delightfully rumpled mess, the towel that Tom used to dry that gorgeous body of his still lying where he left it. I walk over and pick the towel up, gently rubbing my face with it just once, before taking it to the refresher and putting it in. I suppose I should tidy the bed, but I think I'll leave it until later. I can't quite bring myself to remove the evidence of what Tom and I did last night. Not yet, anyway. I want to come back to this sight later, after my shift. I want to relive that first time in my mind, surrounded by all the wonderful reminders that I see here. I sigh happily, and bend down to check under the bed, still hunting for my shoes. My stomach growls as I move though, and I decide I really ought to have some breakfast. I stand back up, not having found my footwear, and return to my living area. As I enter, I spot my shoes. One is lying beneath my table and the other has somehow found its way onto the chair beside it. When I took them off, I obviously had more important things on my mind than where I was leaving them. Smiling, I cross to the replicator to check my account. My balance appears, and I realize that I don't have enough to order breakfast. I'm not bothered, though. Using my rations to replicate Tom's uniform was something that I wanted to do. I want to take care of him, show him how much I love him. I know he doesn't expect me to shower him with material goods, try to 'buy' his love, but I relish being in a position now where I can do things for him. I want to share everything I am with him, and everything I own, too. *~*~*~*~* Most of alpha shift is in the mess hall when I arrive, including the Captain. I move to the counter, greeting Neelix as I select my breakfast. "Good morning, Neelix." "Good morning, Commander," Neelix replies with a smile. "Do you want some coffee?" When I nod, he pours me a cup and hands it to me. "Here you go, Commander. Enjoy your breakfast." "I will," I reply, then turn and walk over to sit with the Captain, like I usually do. I'd prefer to sit with Tom this morning, but I don't want to intrude on his time with Harry. Fortunately, I have a clear view of my lover from where I'm sitting. Tearing my eyes away from Tom, I turn my attention to the woman across from me. As expected, she's practically wrapped around her cup of coffee, and I smile slightly at the sight. "Good morning, Captain. Awake yet?" Kathryn looks at me. "Barely," she answers, keeping her voice low enough that no one else hears. For a moment, she studies me in silence, undoubtedly taking in my extremely good mood. "You're in a very good mood this morning," she finally remarks. I know Kathryn well enough to hear her unvoiced question, but I just smile at her. "I am," I tell her without answering, or even acknowledging, the question. She looks at me quizzically for a moment, then realizes that I'm not going to say anything else. "You're not going to tell me the reason, are you?" I pretend to consider it, then shake my head 'no'. "Not right now, and definitely *not* here." Kathryn shrugs. "Oh, well, perhaps I'll wheedle it out of you later," she sighs before taking another drink of her coffee. I'm grateful that she doesn't pursue the matter. I want to enjoy the secrecy awhile longer. Besides, when we reveal our relationship, we're going to agree about it. *And* it's not going to happen in the mess hall. Sandrine's, maybe, but *not* the mess hall. I lift my cup and just as I'm about to take a sip of my coffee, the expression on Tom's face catches my eye. Anyone else looking at him would only see the calm, pleasant expression on his face, but someone who knows him can see that he's upset. I glance at Harry to see if he's noticed. From the apologetic expression on his face, he obviously has. I suppress my urge to go to Tom to find out what's wrong. Maybe I'll ask him later, when we're alone. Or perhaps I shouldn't pry. I'm sure if it's something he wants me to know, then he'll tell me. Yes, I think that would be best. I mustn't control him. He's always been a free spirit and I would like him to remain that way. I shake off my thought and realize that Tom is looking at me. I meet his eyes and am surprised to see the warmth and softness in the blue orbs. I saw it last night, and again this morning, but this is the first time I've ever seen it in public. The fact that it's directed at me makes it almost impossible not to go over and kiss him senseless. Before I can give in to my desire to go and kiss my lover, reality, in the form of Kathryn's voice, intrudes. "Well, Chakotay, if you've finished your breakfast, I think we're due on the bridge." I turn my attention back to her and nod. "You're right," I say, then finish my coffee and rise from my chair. We pick up our trays and take them to the recycler. On the way out, we stop at Tom and Harry's table for a moment. "We'll see you on the bridge, gentlemen," Kathryn says. "Don't be late." *~*~*~*~* The Captain's ready room, three hours later I've barely sat down when Kathryn verbally pounces on me. "All right, Chakotay. What's going on with you and Tom?" she asks. I sigh mentally, but am not really surprised. Despite my best intentions, I haven't really been able to keep away from Tom all morning. I think I've been out of my chair and standing beside him more in the last three hours than I have since we were stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Not to mention the fact that I've barely been able to keep my hands off of him. It's no wonder Kathryn noticed. Shaking off my thoughts, I meet her eyes. I know that there's no way she'll let me get out of telling her. That doesn't mean, however, that I want anyone else to know until Tom and I agree to go public. "You can't tell anyone else, Kathryn," I say seriously. "I don't want this all over the ship." Kathryn frowns slightly. "This sounds serious." I shrug. "It is. Tom and I are involved in a relationship," I say, then sit back and wait for her reaction. "I see," she says slowly, then sits in silence for a moment, obviously digesting this. "When did this happen?" she finally asks. "Last night," I answer. "Which is why I don't want everyone to know just yet." At her quizzical look, I elaborate. "It's not that we've decided to keep it a secret, but we haven't had time to discuss *anything*. And I, for one, would like to keep our relationship to ourselves for awhile." Kathryn smiles in understanding. "You want to get used to being in a relationship with Tom, without the crew commenting and making bets about how long it'll last." I smile in relief at her understanding. "Exactly." "All right, I'll keep it to myself," Kathryn says, then grins. "But you won't be able to keep it secret for long if you continue to act the way you've been doing on the bridge all morning." I grimace, knowing that she's right. "I know, and I'm sorry about that," I apologize. "It's just harder to keep my hands off of Tom than I thought it would be." Kathryn shrugs off my apology. "No real harm done," she reassures me. "At least you kept your touches platonic, and you didn't break any major regulations. A minor one, maybe, but then, I've been known to do that too on occasion." I decide not to comment on that. "Still, I'll try not to again," I promise. Kathryn smiles again. "As long as you keep it platonic, and don't touch him constantly, I don't mind," she tells me, no doubt realizing how difficult it'll be for me to keep my promise, especially at the moment. Then she smiles mischievously. "But I think there's one other person who's going to know." I lift an eyebrow quizzically. "Oh? Who?" "Harry Kim," Kathryn answers. "I'm not the only one who noticed your behavior. Ensign Kim did too, and he's been sending Tom, and you, puzzled looks all morning. I'm sure he'll ask Tom about it at the first opportunity he gets." Truthfully, I've noticed Harry's glances as well, but I'm not so sure that Tom will be answering his questions any time soon. Unlike Kathryn, I also noticed how Tom deliberately ignored every single one of Harry's looks. Obviously my lover is still upset about whatever Harry said to him at breakfast. Kathryn's voice intrudes on my thoughts. She must've picked up on my doubt, because she asks, "Don't you agree, Chakotay?" I think about it for a moment longer, then decide that she's probably right. After all, Harry *is* Tom's best friend. Besides, I can't recall ever seeing the two of them at odds for long. The two of them will be fine by dinner time, if not earlier. "I guess you're right, Kathryn," I tell her with a smile. Having obviously gotten the information she wanted, Kathryn changes the subject. Crew evaluation is coming up in less than two weeks, and we need to decide how to split them up. *~*~*~*~* Well, my shift is finally over. I thought it would never end. Kathryn and I had to spend an extra hour on the bridge after the rest of alpha shift left, negotiating our passage through a part of space that we didn't realize was claimed by any one species. It seems we were wrong. Just before lunchtime, a large warship suddenly appeared right in front of us, demanding we turn around and leave the area. It took a lot of diplomacy and our continual assurance that we would not deviate from the flight path they gave us, before we were allowed to proceed. Now our 'friends' have gone, I can relax again and look forward to my evening with Tom. I step into the turbolift, my stomach growling loudly. I realize then, that I haven't eaten since breakfast. Instead of going straight to my quarters, I decide to go to the Mess hall first so instruct the 'lift to take me there. The 'lift stops a few moments later, and I step out. The corridor outside is empty, but as I walk further on I can hear voices ahead. I stop as I realize the voices belong to Tom and Harry. I debate whether to continue and let my presence be known. I'm still wondering what to do when I hear Tom raise his voice slightly. "It wasn't so much *what* you said, Harry, rather than the *way* you said it," I hear Tom say. "You sounded like you were really disgusted by the idea." I can't leave now, even if I want to. I have to hear Harry's response. Perhaps I'll find out the reason for the strange looks he's been giving Tom and me all day. "I'm sorry. Tom," Harry mumbles. "I didn't know what to think. We'd been discussing who would be a suitable date for *me* when you suddenly started talking about same-sex relationships. I thought you were coming on to me. I didn't realize you were trying to talk to me about you and Chakotay. Not until I saw the way he kept hovering around you on the bridge. That's when it sunk in that you two are a couple. I wish you'd just come straight out and told me, Tom." So Harry's worked it out. He doesn't sound too upset by the idea, he was obviously just a little confused. I can tell that Tom understands now as his voice returns to its normal level when he replies. "It's okay, Harry. It seems we had our wires crossed." I decide to continue on to the Mess hall now, although I won't let Tom or Harry know that I've heard anything. It was just a misunderstanding between friends, nothing for me to become involved in. I walk forward and Tom looks up as I approach. He gives me such a bright smile that I again feel like rushing to him and kissing him senseless. I wonder how long he'll affect me this way? Will I feel this sudden rush of desire *every* time I see him? "Hi, Chakotay," he says, stepping forward to meet me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and a tingle runs right through my body. I look into his eyes, and smile. It seems I'm not the only one affected by the touch. "Hi, Tom," I reply, trying hard to control the impulse to just grab him and run my hands over his beautiful body. "Still free this evening?" I ask, positive that the answer is 'yes'. "Of course," he replies with another smile. "In fact, I'm free right now. Want to come back to my place for a snack?" His eyes are sparkling, I think he has more on his mind than just food. I know *I* do. "I'd love to, Tom," I answer. He turns to Harry then. "I'll see you tomorrow, Harry. We'll meet for breakfast. Okay?" Harry nods. "Yeah, sure, Tom," he replies. "I'll see you then. And sorry about earlier." Tom smiles. "That's okay. It was just as much my fault as yours. Let's just forget it." Harry looks relieved as he smiles. "Thanks, Tom. Bye, Commander," he says, then walks away, leaving Tom and me on our own in the corridor. Before Harry has left completely, however, Tom calls out to him. "Harry, wait up a minute." Then he turns to me. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back." "All right," I say, wondering what's on Tom's mind. I watch my lover hurry over to his best friend and say something. Unfortunately, they are too far away for me to hear what's being said. Whatever it is, it makes Harry nod in agreement before he resumes walking. Tom turns around and returns to me with a smile. When he reaches me, he looks around, checking to see if we're alone. Seeing that we are, he leans in and gives me a soft kiss. "Sorry about that," he says. "But I had to ask Harry not to tell anyone about us yet." I smile, pleased that even though we haven't had time to discuss it, Tom and I agree about keeping our relationship to ourselves for now. "I told the Captain the same thing when I spoke to her this morning," I tell him. Tom doesn't seem surprised that I told Kathryn. When he speaks, his words confirm this. "I figured that you told the Captain about us. It's almost impossible to keep anything on this ship secret from her." He gives me a questioning look. "And since she didn't haul me into her ready room, I take it that she has no objections." "No, she doesn't." "Good. Now," Tom's smile widens. "Let's go to my quarters." With that, he starts towards the turbolift. I stop him with a hand on his arm. When he turns to look at me, I tell him, "Actually, Tom, I haven't eaten since breakfast." "Well then, I guess I'll just have to feed you before I drag you to bed and ravish you," Tom says, then resumes walking. I grin at my lover's back as I follow him to the turbolift. So, Tom's in the mood to ravish me. That's fine with me. I'm in the mood to let him. We can talk later. The End BACK |
